Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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