you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
