you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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