Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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