I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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