Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I will be naked everywhere
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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