dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
