Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
