Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
