He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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