My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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