Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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