Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
