the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
