I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
