Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
