No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
