This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
