I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
