So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
