he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
