I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
