I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
