I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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