I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize