just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
