I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
