Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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