she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
