Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
