He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
