We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
