This is not my ceiling
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just invented taco cereal.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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