alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
