I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
