I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
