She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
