it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
