4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
