I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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