Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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