Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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