I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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