We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
