Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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