We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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