I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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