Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
