I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
