i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
