i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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