You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
