then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
