she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
