your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
