Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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