Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Drake has all the answers
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
