Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
