Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
