So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
