you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
