that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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