Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
