...so i touched it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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