Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Boobs are out for the taking
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize