The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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