i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
