We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
