I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
