You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
