shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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