textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize