So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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