Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
