I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
