I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize