just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
