Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I will die if light touches me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
