I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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