I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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